I hope you pronounced it kur-sid.
Ok, let’s get down to business. I’ve written and deleted like seven blog posts at this point and haven’t had the guts to publish any of them. Well, some of the deletions weren’t really about having or not having guts, they just weren’t good. Others felt contrived, and then the rest just detailed my friends’ tragedies as entertainment for the sake of a good allegory. More on the philosophy and ethics of what’s “off the table” when you’re a writer some other time. I don’t have the brain energy right now.
So now I’m down to nothing, yet again, and here’s what I know and feel content sharing with you: My blog is having an existential crisis. It’s a mercurial and shifty little thing, and since its inception, it has suffered incessant, immobilizing and existential worries like “who am I?”, “what’s my name?” and “what is my purpose?”. I keep telling it not to think so much, but hear you me, this is easier said than done. So it’s been cooped up for almost a month now and truth be told, the air in here is STALE.
I don’t know… I can’t think straight about it anymore. It’s like a weird, crazy cabin fever. The thoughts and ideas have been brewing for so long now, they’re all jumbled and incoherent, fragmented and nonsensical. Like a drunken child. If you can imagine such a tragic, yet still kind of hilarious (and ok, inappropriate) thing. Incoherent or not, I have to publish something. The blog has to get out there for a bit and take a stroll. Even if its unkempt, unshowered and still in its grubby sweatpants.
I can’t obsess over refining the punctuation, perfecting the quips, and streamlining the metaphors, let alone overall content, over and over again. Regardless, if I want to write and put it out there, I need to just put it the F out there. I mean, if I’m inherently uncensored as an individual, shouldn’t I see what it’s like to be that way on the blog? Is the fact that everything I say becomes concretized on the internet what’s paralyzing me from publishing anything?
Who knows? Who cares? It’s a full moon tonight, and that means FRUITION is in the air. So despite my having rambled about absolutely nothing, I’m still going to publish this damned post. Maybe post #3 will be better. Here’s hoping. But my blog still doesn’t know who it is, what its purpose is, or even what it’s called. It has currently been changed to “Walk the Blog” from “Don’t Hurt Yourself”. I can’t even tell anymore if that’s a clever name that will grow and evolve over time with the drunken-child-like nature of this cursed blog, or if it’s just bad.
Oh, and if you have any better blog names, or just general things to write about, I’m taking suggestions. Help me. And I’m sorry you dedicated 1.74 minutes to this. I hope you reward yourself kindly and generously. You did good work, pal.